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Being newly single can be daunting – but there are a host of activities available to take the pain out of going it alone

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Probably best to be polite and move on and try not to let any bitter feelings get the better of you.

THE thing about dating is you begin to clock up former dates. From the blokes you - or rather I - chatted to on internet dating sites and just went out for one drink with, through to the ones that you dated for weeks, months or years, the longer you are on the dating scene, the more "exes" - for want of a better word - there are.

And the more chance there is of you running into them.

This is precisely what happened to me a week or so ago.

I stopped to cross a road on my way to work when I saw a bloke I dated for a few weeks waiting to cross in the opposite direction.

We hadn't had a big falling out or anything, so it wasn't a big deal to just say "hi". Except that, apparently, it was - for him, anyway.

It was a big road and he obviously hadn't spotted me until I reached the middle. Suddenly he became very interested in something quite high up in the sky which looked as though it required a great deal of thought and, despite the fact that he'd been waiting to cross for sometime, wandered off in the opposite direction!

Personally, I don't think this is the best way to deal with running into someone. After all, Southampton isn't the biggest city in the world and chances are you're going to run into each other now and again.

In fact, the encounter - or lack of an encounter - made me wonder if it might be a good idea to agree some sort of post-split rules with the person you're dating, just in case.

For one thing, I reckon it's probably a good idea to formally end things. If you've had a relatively polite, grown-up conversation which establishes that it's off, it's sure to be easier when you bump into each other again than if you've either vanished into thin air or sent a string of abusive texts.

But is it worth going further than that? Should you have a chat on date two about post-break etiquette with the person you're seeing, like some sort of mini pre-nuptial arrangement?

Unfortunately, I think this would result in no further dates and the bloke in question jumping into doorways every time he saw "that mad bird I went out with".

Perhaps if you hate the idea of having to have that awkward conversation with someone you're no longer seeing, the answer is only to date people from outside the area. Or at least not the bloke who's in your local every time you go there.

When I was on my online dating spree - well, three blokes, three dates - it did strike me that if I wanted to avoid running into them again (because it's not exactly something you seek out) maybe it would be a good idea not to keep meeting them in the same pub. Plus, I was concerned the landlord might start thinking I was an escort.

My friend Katie's experience makes me think avoiding sharing places you like with someone you're dating may be wise.

She says: "I lost custody of my favourite club when I split up with a boyfriend. We both used to go there every Saturday night but when we split up he made it really awkward for me every time I went there. In the end I had to surrender custody of my beloved drinking spot just to save me the hassle of having my Saturday nights ruined!"

Of course, how you respond when you see an ex rather depends on how long you dated for and how amicable the split was.

May certainly agrees with this. She says: "Several years ago, a relationship of mine ended badly and, as I felt that the guy in question had behaved in a despicable way, I was left with nothing but contempt for him. Therefore, on the few subsequent occasions when our paths crossed, there was no way that I was prepared to offer him a friendly greeting and, in fact, I chose to blank him completely.

"When an even earlier relationship ended badly, I had the misfortune to work in the same building as the guy and again I chose to pretend he was invisible. This resulted in quite childish behaviour on my part, such as allowing doors to close in his face, but I have to admit I rather enjoyed it! Speaking generally, though, I consider it to be a more rational approach to be able to greet an ex with a smile and an acknowledgement of some kind, particularly if there is no bad history to get in the way."

Faith had an extremely odd encounter with an ex. She says: "One of my worst ex-experiences was running into an ex while I was with my new boyfriend. They made a real show of being matey' to each other with lots of barbed undertones and it was honestly, truly excruciating. We were at the pub and at closing time, for some mad reason' my boyfriend invited my ex to come back with us - and he did!

"Then he proceeded to tell us all about his new girlfriend and my then boyfriend was nodding enthusiastically going yeah she sounds awesome, we should all meet up'. We never did, thankfully."

Maybe Faith's boyfriend was hoping for the whole Demi Moore/Ashton Kutcher/Bruce Willis scenario, complete with romantic holidays together.

I think it's fair to say that may be taking things a bit far, but from my experience, the best way to handle seeing an ex is to have a polite chat, and move on. That's certainly what Dave goes for. He says: "I never evade exes. I tend to put a brave face on, smile serenely, and make polite conversation. Although it always happens when I've got three days of stubble and a hangover. This once led an ex to whisper to me in a horrified voice are you looking after yourself?' as if I'd suddenly started sleeping in the gutter after being dumped."

Dave's experience is, of course, the reason why you must always look your best after you come out of a relationship. And given that you could run into one of your exes at any point, that means you've got to make the effort to look good pretty much all the time. Suddenly the avoidance technique seems more appealing. Oh look, what's that interesting thing up there in the sky?

PS If you read last week's column and were wondering how my meeting with my new boyfriend's parents went, it was a success! I managed to only say one mildly inappropriate thing, which no one seemed to mind. What's more, they were really nice and seemed to like me. His mum even sent me home with some cuttings from her garden. A great meal, some plants and only one passing reference to pornography on my part - result!

2:41pm Tuesday 1st July 2008

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