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Being newly single can be daunting – but there are a host of activities available to take the pain out of going it alone

Send your dating stories, tips and advice to singleinthecity@dailyecho.co.uk

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I'M AFRAID it's inevitable - once you start seeing someone new you're going to have less time to see your friends.

The same would be true if you got a new pal, part-time job or even a dog.

If you get something new in your life, obviously you're going to have less time for the existing stuff.

But the last thing you want to do is abandon your mates just because you've got a new bloke.

Female friends might not give you that fluttery feeling when they phone but that doesn't mean they're not every bit as important as your new date, if not more. After all, you've probably known them for far longer, they know your flaws and still love you and there's a good chance you could still be watching Sex and the City together on DVD long after the latest date's mobile number has been deleted from your phone.

When I was date-free I had a very busy life and now there's a bloke on the scene I've had to shift things around.

But my friends are far too important to me for me to stop seeing them so it's the gym visits that have born the brunt of my time squeeze.

That said, negotiating between friends and boyfriend still throws up some issues.

One problem is when people assume that just because you're seeing someone you'll want to include them in everything.

On a recent night out someone asked me where my new date was, as in, why wasn't he with me.

"I don't have a clue!" was my answer.

This attitude can also lead people to assume that you won't be available because you've got a date. Of course, it might be the case that you've got something booked but it's not as if the only reason you ever left the house when you were single was to pull so now you're seeing someone you can adopt the life of a hermit!

My friend Dave, however, has had the opposite issue. He says: "The biggest problem I've met is when friends deliberately try to exclude your new partner, either by constantly inviting you to things she wouldn't like, or by talking about nothing but the good old times in front of the poor girl.

"I think it's healthy that friendships can change - otherwise they stagnate. Good friends know that you're still up for a beer and a curry, you just need to square it with the missus first, or preferably invite her."

Faith has had a friend go AWOL since she got a new man. She says: "I have a friend who I actually haven't seen on her own since she started her current relationship. She was single for a long time and never thought she'd meet anyone, and her boyfriend is an absolute honey, but it does irritate me that we can't have the chats and gossip we used to have.What I find most frustrating about it is occasionally she'll start mouthing I really need to talk to you' when he's not looking. If she needs to talk about her relationship, she should arrange to spend some time without him.

"I like all my friends to meet and get to know my boyfriend.

It's tough, though, when you have your friends and he has his friends and you want to see each other and your own friends and meet each other's friends - makes it difficult to find the time to fit it all in. As long as you don't neglect your friends they should understand if you see them slightly less than you used to when you were single - that's totally natural. But if you drop your friends in favour of your man 99.9 per cent of the time, don't be surprised if the other 0.01 per cent are not prepared to drop everything to see you."

Katie tries to get around the problem by making sure everyone is friends: "I prefer to integrate my friends with my boyfriend so that you get to see both of them at the same time and that way you're not neglecting either party.

"At the same time, it can throw up other problems.

My boyfriend and I spend most of our time hanging out with each other's friends and at times it can be difficult to say actually, it's just me and the girls tonight' or vice versa."

For me, the integration approach works, but only so far. I think it's important to keep separate identities when you're in a relationship and an important part of that is having your own, distinct groups of friends.

And we shouldn't forget that your relationship might not last forever. It can get messy if you have a lot of mutual friends if things aren't totally amicable between you and your ex, and let's face it, they seldom are.

I'm afraid the only real answer is to get yourself a good diary and at the risk of coming off as a bit of a control freak/obsessively organised,make sure that you fit in everything and everyone that is important to you. But never, ever use the expression I have a window in my diary' or I can fit you in" if you expect anyone to want to fill the space!

3:39pm Wednesday 18th June 2008

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