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Being newly single can be daunting – but there are a host of activities available to take the pain out of going it alone

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IT WAS always going to happen and it was always going to be mortifying.

The other night I accidentally broke wind in bed with my new man.

I was actually asleep at the time. I woke up in horror to realise my body had betrayed me in my mission to be the perfect woman.

On other nights I'd woken up with stomach pain where my body was clearly adhering to the "new date" rule of no wind or other nasty bodily functions in the same building as the new bloke.

But along with being comfortable enough in his company to let my guard down in other areas - maybe not laughing uproariously if I don't think one of his jokes is funny or saying that, actually, I don't really like the restaurant he suggests going to - my body is relaxing too, literally.

I was horrified and went down the route of pretending that it hadn't happened and that I was still asleep so I wouldn't have to acknowledge it.

I was working on a similar theory to the one about if a tree falls in a forest and no one hears it, does it make a sound - except that I KNEW I'd made a sound.

Of course, the bloke has been merrily producing nocturnal smells in his sleep without a care in the world.

But beyond making me reflect on the double standards that we still adopt when it comes to men, women and bodily functions it did make me realise that my new relationship is moving into a new phase.

I'm currently negotiating the hinterland between Perfect Sally and Real Me.

I don't want to go all the way to being Warts and All Sally. I think it's nice that when you start a new relationship you get to wipe the slate clean and be a better person - it can be hard to change your ways when you've been with someone for ages.

But I'm feeling my way with letting my guard down a little and seeing if he still likes me.

Being perfect is strangely easy. Saying you're not completely happy about something - a comment, your boyfriend's reaction to something you said, him carrying round a picture of his ex in his wallet (OK, I made that one up) - can be quite stressful.

It makes me feel vulnerable because it feels like I'm opening myself up for rejection but at the same time it's necessary - you have to be your real self - and kind of exciting.When he sees me without my makeup on and tells me I'm beautiful or gives a heartfelt apology when I tell him that something he said upset me a bit it feels great because it means he actually likes the real me.

But the old habit of trying to be perfect dies hard. A few weeks ago I berated myself for having worn a shapeless hoodie in front of him, and I still worry that he'd rather I just smiled and nodded more.

But the thing is I do sometimes wear hoodies, I do say what I think, I do have the odd zit and I do break wind on occasion. If he can't cope with that, it's better to find out sooner rather than later because the truth will out.

My friend Faith is currently in the same phase with her bloke.

She says: "What I find interesting is how guys ditch the I'm perfect' facade earlier than girls.My bloke has been burping, swearing, looking scruffy, sweating, you name it, since about two weeks in.He's noholds- barred and in a way that's actually sensible - I know he's a tactless, moronic, wrestling-obsessed, freak who has weird dress sense, and I'm down with it.

"I always thought as a girlfriend I had to be pretty much perfect, but you learn when someone truly loves you, what they love about you are the flaws. I've got more personality and quirks - OK, flaws - than your average woman and I'm learning to be free to express these without worrying he'll dump me if he finds out who I truly am."

Another friend Dave enjoys the process of letting his guard down.

He says: "The change for me is when I feel comfortable reading the weekend papers at her place for an hour or so, nodding sagely and generally not listening as she rushes about doing girl things, or when I stop worrying about showing off my culinary skills and start rustling up proper man-food instead.

"Personally, I think that's the best part of a new relationship, as you watch your new partner deal with everyday stuff and realise how affable they are, or how well-respected by their mates.You start to get an idea of how they are when they let their guard down. It's quite sweet really, almost like you're letting each other into your world."

Dave makes a good point - revealing your imperfections is part of the process of letting someone get close to you.

And even if it's a bit scary it's a lot better than setting yourself up to live your life pretending to be someone you're not.

But that still doesn't mean it's OK to break wind in bed!

2:56pm Tuesday 10th June 2008

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